The Art of Editing (Brynhildr in the Darkness)

Introduction


Few people know, what editing’s supposed to do. The definitions vary and most certainly a professional editor is more than what I’m gonna break down to you here. So first of all, let’s define what editing means. I’ll paste the definition that we once put together at guhehe:

Definition of Editing

In the “Editing” category, I’d like to show you what this is supposed to mean as far as I’m concerned. Now I’m far from being the perfect editor, I’m not even a native speaker to boot, but if you’re a native speaker and get the hang of what I’m trying to convey and can grasp that vague feeling that is text flow, you’ll have a bright future as an editor (implying that’s worth anything).

How am I gonna convey it then? I will by showing examples of editing, either poor or good. Alas, they’ll almost only exclusively be poor, because those are easier to find and spot. After visualizing those, I will then provide suggestions of how I’d have done it.

This first visualization will focus on the scanlation of Brynhildr in the Darkness, which I happen to read currently. Scanlations, in general, are, if at all, poorly edited. Most scanlations only use, if at all, a proofreader, who, if at all, appears to be as proficient in English as in insert-language-he-hardly-knows-anything-about-here. There shouldn’t be any excuses. The size of manga chapter script hardly ever goes beyond that of an anime episode, yet there are rarely faultless pages or, if bad comes to worse, hardly any faultless komas (one single picture). Considering that it’s a scanlation, Brynhildr in the Darkness is okay-ish, which is sad enough when you count the mistakes – not even mentioning the awkward phrasings. But enough of that, let’s be grateful that they at least don’t let the characters talk like they were mentally-challenged all the time.

Examples


And now let’s follow with a few examples. Click on the spoilers to see my remarks and suggestions.

Scene 1

brynhildr1

You always do these over-the-top things so casually!!
Huh? Kazumi, you just didn't think it thoroughly enough. Murakami is pretty dense, so as long as he's fine with it afterwards, it's fine.
OLD MAN!
So dumb...

Scene 2

So could you help her?
She does have a foul mouth, but that's because she's putting up a front to try and hide her uneasiness.
I hope you can be friends with her.

Scene 3

Let's see...
I'll have one if it's you're treating me.

Scene 4

...Tasty
Isn't it?
That shop is a pretty well-kept secret.

Scene 5

Aren't you a magic-user?
Isn't it obvious that you could use magic?
So show me your magic to validate what you've just said.

Lastly


Again, those aren’t perfect solutions. Just what came to me from the top of my head. But they should at least be better.

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